Janey Baby
Sometimes I wish I were somewhere else. I wonder what life would be like if I lived in San Francisco or something.
“Janet!”
Maybe If I lived in San Francisco I wouldn’t be so “special.” I hate when they call me that, as if I don’t understand what “Special” means.
“Janet I’m talking to you.”
I hate they think I can’t do anything on my own; I’m sixteen years old god dammit.
“Janet Mosley you answer me immediately or you can leave this classroom!”
“Huh?”
“Are you texting?“
“Read stanza four.”
I had no clue what she was even talking about. I looked down at my book and it was on stanza two. I quickly started paging through the book to find the spot, but the bell rang.
“Ok everyone finish the rest of “Kubla Kahn,” there will be a quiz on Monday.
“Ms. Mosley, can I see you at my desk please.”
I always knew what that meant. She’s going to tell me to use my time more wisely, pay more attention, blah blah blah. The truth is I have absolutely no interest in dumb poems.
“Is everything ok with you?” “Your homework and test scores have all been very good this quarter, but your in -class participation is non-existent. Is anything distracting you?”
“No Ms. Robinson, I’m fine, it won’t happen again.”
I turned around and headed out of the classroom, not giving her a chance to interrogate me further. I stepped through the doorway and I felt my pocket vibrating. I looked down and saw a new message from my sister Abby.
Lil Sis: Where are you?
Lil Sis: Come home quick please!
I pressed the lock button and put my phone back into my pocket. I see this same text message almost everyday; it just comes at different times. I walk down the hall toward Sara Meyer’s locker, which is directly next to mine. She is standing there with her back propped up against her locker. She always looks so happy; I bet no one ever calls her special.
“Sup Janet?” “I heard the bitch Ms. Robinson was giving it to ya for texting in class, her class is garbage.”
I never know what to say to her, we weren’t friends, we never sat by each other in any classes, and her group of friends definitely wasn’t my group of friends. She wasn’t the popular cheerleader type, she was more like the screw the government, fight the system types. I always try and think of cool responses to stuff she says, which really means just add a curse word to it.
“Yeah she’s a bitch, I wasn’t even texting.”
Sara looks at me with a confirming look, as if she feels what I’m saying. There was an awkward break in conversation between us as I put books in my locker, mainly because I had no new “conspiracy talk” to discuss. I close my locker and start to walk past her with no plans of saying anything. I can feel her looking at me. I hear her close her locker, “See ya.” I turn around, smile and nod.
I always look forward to the bus ride home. I listen to the same playlist everyday, “School Mix.” I wonder what the boys are like in San Francisco. I bet they all have like football player bodies. I would spend everyday just laying out on the beach, no worries, no family drama, nothing.
“Next stop, 12th and Mitchell.”
I wonder if hipster girls like Sara Meyer are in San Francisco. I bet they walk around texting and cursing at everyone, which is cool I guess.
“12th and Mitchell.”
I head to the back of the bus and exit the back door. I pull out my phone and begin to text my sister.
My iPhone: I just got your message.
My iPhone: I’ll be home in sec.
Lil Sis: L
Lil Sis: Please hurry, it’s so loud.
My iPhone: K
Right before my house is Mrs. Elizabeth’s house. She has the most beautiful garden on the block. She has the best grass on the block. I can always see her staring into our house when she waters it. I walk up the porch steps and grab the spare key from under the matt. I unlock the top lock and turn the doorknob. I step inside the door and see my sister sitting outside her door facing the back of the house. I can hear shouting from the back bedroom, which is my mom’s room. I shut the door, which alerted my sister. She gets up and runs over to me.
“I’m so glad you’re home, I’m so scared.”
What’s going on with mom and Jed?”
Jed was my mom’s boyfriend. They were apparently high school sweethearts. After my dad left seven months ago, Jed started helping out around the house, doing “Mans Work,“ as he called it. He just started spending the night a couple of weeks ago. Lately I have been seeing more and more of his stuff, as if he’s slowly moving in.
“I don’t know really, Jed just came in and slammed the door.”
“I heard mommy screaming and a loud boom, is mommy ok?”
“Don’t worry mommy’s fine.”
I set my bag down on the couch and walk back to my sister. I pick her up and walk back to the couch; she is the heaviest 12 year old in the world. I set her down next to my backpack and turn on the TV. I stare at how innocent she is for a while, and then I kiss her on the forehead. I grab my bag from the couch and walk to my room, which is right next to my sister’s room, and across from my moms. The yelling has now calmed to cursing and sobbing. I shut the door and lye on my bed. I stare out the window thinking about the beautiful scenery of San Francisco. I wonder what the winter is like; I hope it doesn’t snow like it does here. I wonder if I can have a garden like Mrs. Elizabeth’s, I’m not going to creep on people and stare in their window though.
“Janey come on and do these dishes so I can make Jed some supper.”
I wonder what the music is like there. I can’t wait to leave this place. Who cares about a stupid arch? I’d rather have sand and beautiful bridges instead of a stupid arch, yuck!
“Janey did you hear me!”
“Get in here now!”
I hear my mother yell from the kitchen. I get up out of the bed and run to the kitchen.
“Yes mama?”
“I told you a half hour ago to do these dishes.”
“Jed had a bad day today so I’m going to cook him a good meal.”
“Do you want to help me?” she says as she looks at me with an optimistic smirk.
“I’m good.”
“You would always help me cook before.”
“Yeah but that was for daddy, not the Jed character.”
I walk over to the sink and start running the hot water. I reach under the sink and grab the dishwashing detergent. I love watching the soap mix with the water, it reminds me of San Francisco.
“Janey stop staring at that water, you take your damn pills this morning?”
“Huh?”
“Never mind, how is school going?”
“You make friends with that girl yet, what’s her name Suzzie, Stephanie or?”
“Her name’s Sara mom, and I don’t really feel like talking about it.”
“I heard you and Jed fighting when I got home, trouble in paradise?”
I hear the pan slam on the stove.
“Janey I don’t like how disrespectful you are to Jed. He is someone I care about and he’s going to start being around a lot more, so you’re just going to have to get used to it.”
“Oh you mean more than he is now?”
“His stupid clothes and tools are all over the place.”
“He’s not my father so I’m not going to act like it.”
I place the last dish into the drying rack, and rinse out the sink. I dry my hands on the towel hanging on sink cabinet door. I hear the popping of hot grease behind me. I turn around and start walking to my bedroom. I look up and see Jed approaching me.
“What’s up Diva?” he says with a mocking laugh. I look up at him and crunch my face so I’m mirroring an evil face.
“That’s why he don’t want you, special my ass?”
I walk back into my bedroom and slam the door. I can feel a genuine hate for Jed. What does he know? My daddy does want me and when he gets ready he’ll send for us, I know he will.
It was time for dinner. My sister and I always set the table before my mom brings the food out. Jed is already sitting at the table with a half empty beer and a bag of peanuts. I walk over to his spot at the table and start to set it.
“ So what the doctor be saying about you? “You got a daydreaming disease or something?”
My mom walks in to the room and sets the plate of pork chops down.
“Jed I don’t think we need to discuss Janey right now, can we just have a nice meal?”
I look at my mom as she’s waiting for Jed’s response. She doesn’t even look him in the eyes when she talks to him.
“I didn’t ask you Denise, I’m talking to the Diva.”
“So what’s wrong with you?” “I see you taking them pills before you go to school everyday.”
“Jed that’s enough!” says my mother.
You can hear the trembling in my mom’s voice. I ignore the questions Jed is asking me and continue to set the table; this is the typical Jed dinner manner. My mother walks back into the kitchen and grabs the potatoes, then the rolls. My sister and I both sit down and start to fill our plates with food. My mom serves Jed before she makes her own plate. Jed takes a big swig of his beer and slams it down on the table. He looks up at me with this dazed look.
“I’m just saying, if you gone have a seizure in here, I ain’t got no insurance so I hope that great daddy of yours is footing the bill.”
I stop eating and start to clinch my fork.
“Don’t talk about my father!”
“He’s no deadbeat bum like you!” Jed looks at me with a stern face as if my words have pierced through all of his boozing and hit a soft spot.
“Deadbeat bum?”
“Your daddy’s the bum, that’s why he ran out on y’all.”
“But I guess I see why, I wouldn’t want a sassy little retard as my daughter either.”
As I’m staring directly at Jed I can start to feel my stomach hurt, and my eyes starting to water. I look over at my mother and she is sitting there with her head down, in tears. Tears start to fall down my face. I stand up and run to my room, and slam the door. I jump onto my bed and start to cry in my pillow. I hear a small knock at the door, and then it opening.
“You ok Janey?”
I turnaround and see Abby peeking her head into my door.
“I’m ok.”
She walks in the room and closes the door behind her. She jumps into my bed and sits on my back.
“I miss daddy,” she says.
“We’re never going to see him again are we?” “Jed told me that daddy left us because he didn’t like having kids anymore, and since daddy’s gone he’s in charge.”
I get up flipping her off my back and to the floor. I grab both of her arms as if I’m going to shake her.
“Don’t you listen to a word that asshole Jed says, you understand!”
“Jesus Christ I’m sorry, let me go.”
Abby get’s up and walks out the door. She looks back at me one more time before she closes the door.
The truth was I couldn’t tell her why daddy left. I remember waking up that morning and seeing him at the kitchen table. I saw his face from a far, he looked sad, but when I walked into the room his face lit up. He would always call me “Janey-baby.”
“Well look at my little Diva”
“How are you this morning Janey-baby?”
He would always surprise me with ice cream after doctor’s visits, which he knew no matter how old I got I always loved. I left for school that morning and when I got home he wasn’t there. He never came home. My sister and I stared out the window that whole week hoping; praying that one of the passing by cars was daddy pulling into the driveway. My mother sat us down after about two weeks telling us things would be changing. She said that daddy wasn’t going to be around anymore. She said that we had to learn to be strong independent women for now on.
I wake up to my alarm sounding off. I look over at the clock and it reads 07:50 AM. I hear commotion in the kitchen so I walk out of my room and into the kitchen. My sister is at the table eating a bowl of cereal and texting. Mom is at the stove half cooking eggs and half getting ready for work. I sit down and start to pour myself a bowl of cereal.
“Good morning Janey.” Says my mother.
“Morning.”
“You should be proud of your sister, she’s mastered the skill of texting and eating.”
My sister and I both look at each other with sarcastic looks, knowing that it was a bad attempt by mom at being funny.
“Janey honey I would like to talk to you when you get home from school today. I think its time we have a heart to heart.”
I had no clue what my mom wanted to talk to me about. I’m sure it was just some more dumb rules about Jed. My mom grabs the pan from the stove and pours the eggs onto our plate. Jed doesn’t work so he is never awake this early. He usually wakes up to take my mom to the office so he can use the car for “job searching.” My mom pours a cup of coffee and walks into the back bedroom. I look over at my sister whose head is buried in her lap.
“Who are you texting?” She looks up at me and puts her head back down.
“Hey I’m talking to you little girl.” I reach over and grab her phone.
“Give it back!”
“I’m not talking to you until you apologize!”
“Ok you big baby I’m sorry, so is it a boy?”
I hear a glass break in the back room and a loud cry. My sister and I get up from the kitchen table and run into the hallway. I put my ear to the door and listen.
“I don’t care about those little shits, they’re not my kids god dammit.”
“Jed they are my children and I need you to respect that if you’re going to stay here.”
“To hell with those kids, especially the little retard, you let that deadbeat fill her head with that diva nonsense.”
“I can’t even talk to her without her spacing out like some old senile woman.”
“God damn you Jed don’t you talk about my daughters like that.”
I hear slaps and pushing from inside the room. I look over at my sister.
“Go in your room and shut the door.”
“Do not open it until I tell you to, got it?”
Abby nods her head and runs to her room and shuts the door. I start to bang on the door yelling.
“Jed I hate you!”
“Leave her alone!”
I hear Jed push my mother and approach the door. I step back as I hear him turning the doorknob.
“Get the hell out of here you stupid little retard.”
I ball my hand up into a fist and start at Jed. He grabs my arms but I still try and scratch his face with my free hands. I hear my mother yelling in the back, but I can’t make out what she’s saying.
“Get off me you stupid little whore.”
Jed pulls my arms away from his face and pushes me into the living room. My mom comes in the room behind him and jumps on his back. I see my sister peeking out of the door, I signal for her to go back into the room. Jed tosses my mother onto the couch and puts his hands around her neck.
“How does that feel, you like that?”
“Stupid crazy bitches!”
I get up and run over to the kitchen. I grab the phone and run behind the table. I pick up the phone and start to dial 9-1-1. Jed snatches the phone from me. He looks at me, blood running down his check, and pulls the chord out of the phone. I try and get up to run past him but he pushes me into the table cutting my arm. I can see me mother half lying on the couch looking battered and out of breath. Jed walks up and stands over me. He grabs the back of my shirt and starts pulling me to my feet. I scream as loud as I can but he seems un-phased. He picks me up to my feet.
“You and your god damn mother are crazy, how dare you raise your hand to me.”
I see him reach his hand back and swing. I see flashes of white accompanied with a sharp pain in my cheek. I put my hand on my face and almost immediately start to cry.
“Oh now your crying, aww poor baby.”
“No more little diva retard.”
I feel my face burning; I look up at Jed and attempt to stand. Sharp pains shoots up all through my body and I fall back down. I think to myself what it would be like to be in San Francisco right now.
“Janey honey can you here me?”
If I were in San Francisco I would be safe. He would protect me.
“Oh my god she’s not responding, Janey Honey can you hear me?”
I bet assholes like Jed have no place in San Francisco, and if they do, I don’t want to go to San Francisco anymore.
“Does she have any medical issues? Taking any medication?
“She has Petit Mall Epilepsy, she didn’t get a chance to take her medicine this morning.”
I pull my hand up and cover my eye. Its feels like a light is shining in it. I look up and there is my mother and four or five fire firefighters. The firefighter turns off the light and grabs my hand.
“Janey are you ok?”
“Can you feel you’re arms and legs ok?”
“Can you stand?”
I look up at him and nod. He helps me to my feet. My mom runs over to me and hugs me. I can feel her tears soaking into my shirt.
“Ms. Mosley can we get you and your daughter to come this way.”
“We’re going to take you all down to the hospital and get you all stitched up.”
The firefighter comes over and leads us outside the door. I look around and people have gathered in the street amidst all of the sirens. I look around for Abby and see her climb into the front of the fire truck. I look at my mother. I see her mouthing the words “Thank you,” to Mrs. Elizabeth. I climb into the ambulance and lay on the cot. I look up at my mother, who is staring into my eyes.
“What happen momma?”
“Mrs. Elizabeth’s snooping was a blessing in disguise.” She was out watering her tulips when she saw Jed choking me through the window. She called the cops right away.”
“So what happened to Jed?”
“He’s gone honey and I promise he will never hurt us again.”
She reaches over and hugs me.
I spent the night in the hospital. I got six stitches in my arm and some pain medication for my face. When I walked out into the lobby Mrs. Elisabeth was there with Abby. When Abby see’s me she starts running toward me. When she gets to me I pick her and squeeze her as tight as I can.
“I’m so glad you’re ok.” “I thought you were going to die.”
I look at her and give her another hug. I walk over to Mrs. Elizabeth.
“Thank you mam, for everything.” She looks at me and smiles.
“Your mother is at home cleaning the house, so I told her I would come and pick you up.”
“You girls want some ice cream?”
We pull up to our house. Abby quickly jumps out of the back seat and comes to open the door. She grabs my hand and leads me to the door. I turn around to see if Mrs. Elizabeth was coming but she stayed in the car, just smiling. I walk up the steps and my sister opens the door. When I get in there my mom is sitting at the kitchen table. She looks bruised and battered. Her eye is black and purple and she has bruises all over her arms.
“Hey Janey, have a seat.”
“Do you remember me saying we had to talk?”
“Its about time we have that talk.”
She pulls out a letter addressed to me. I look at the return address and it reads:
John R. Mosley
145 Jefferson St,
San Francisco, CA 94133
I pull the letter out of the already opened the envelope. It read:
Dear Janey Baby,
Hey honey I hope you’re doing ok, I know you’re wondering what happened to me and why I left. Your mother and I have been trying to make things work for a while with no results. I was offered a chief analyst job out here in San Francisco, so your mother and I thought it was best I take the job. Your mother and I love each other very much, but we just can’t be together anymore. I love you and your sister very much. I never wanted to hurt you Janey and I hope you can find it in your heart to forgive me. Enclosed are two plane tickets for you and your sister to come to San Francisco on the 8th. If you like it maybe you can start looking at colleges out here. I love you girls, take care.
Love,
Dad
I look up at my mother with tears in my eyes.
“So what do you think honey?” “You finally get what you want?”
I look down at the tickets and back up at my mom. I grab the envelope, and start to walk toward the closet door. I open the door, tear the tickets up and throw them away. I turn around and look back at my mother and sister. My mom looks astonished and surprised. I shut the door and walk back to the table and sit down, I look at Abby and my mother, I grab their hands.
“We are family, there has been enough abandoning.”
“Its time for us to be strong independent women.”
